i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
