xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
