Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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