My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
