It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
