I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize