I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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