I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
