my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
