the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
