his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize