when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
