I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
whose parrot is this?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
