I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
