I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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