Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
