Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
