The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
