So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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