I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
