Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
