Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
