I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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