Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
