moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
