last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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