I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
