That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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