and she was petting her beer can
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pants are for mortals
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
