He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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