my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
