Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
