Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
