who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
