we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
