My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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