I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
