Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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