I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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