he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
