This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Four minutes until I can fart!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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