Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
