Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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