Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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