That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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