dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My ass is underappreciated
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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