Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
