are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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