Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
