Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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