you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
