The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.