What a fucking waste of an outfit
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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