Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me

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  (212): that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me http://tfl.nu/xacv
  Replies (22) Good night (1408) Bad night (1077)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.

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  (410): the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina. http://tfl.nu/o3ng
  Replies (13) Good night (2649) Bad night (628)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

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  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (914) Bad night (3031)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.

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  (908): I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me. http://tfl.nu/bgr1
  Replies (29) Good night (848) Bad night (4668)
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  (714): View more from California

  you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night

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  (714): you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night http://tfl.nu/yh1g
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (4829)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (11442) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend

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  (267): Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend http://tfl.nu/as99
  Replies (21) Good night (5616) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.

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  (425): I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class. http://tfl.nu/j3lm
  Replies (12) Good night (4499) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be

  (254): View more from Texas

  Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54

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  (254): Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be (254): Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54 http://tfl.nu/ylh4
  Replies (5) Good night (1831) Bad night (650)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?

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  (401): Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...? http://tfl.nu/zp7y
  Replies (3) Good night (2415) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  All is fair in love and war and toga parties

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  (404): All is fair in love and war and toga parties http://tfl.nu/gkur
  Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point

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  (408): What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point http://tfl.nu/9b7m
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to

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  (202): That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to http://tfl.nu/skaq
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.

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  (616): You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina. http://tfl.nu/i89m
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha

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  (573): Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha http://tfl.nu/ecz2
  Replies (2) Good night (245) Bad night (741)

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