you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs