he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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