I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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