I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
