literally had 100 drinks last night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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