I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
