This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
