mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
