I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
