Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
