She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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