just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
