Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
