Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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