Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
